The vacation shutdown

It has been a whole lot of transformation for me. I mean , if you would have known me at high school, you are sure not to recognise me at college. And so have you. You are no more the same guy or girl that you used to be at school. At this point, you are pretty much an individual, with a hell lot of mood swings to cope up with and loads of tasks at hand that you undoubtedly accomplish well in time. College has been another world for you. With everything all by yourself, you tend to develop a lot of interests and a lot of expectations gather up your way, with you climbing those ladder steps gradually.

I have always learnt that people tend to mature with age and not the other way round unless there is an observation of a bell shaped curve that the maturity level reflects when you reach your eighties probably. However it's the twenties and the thirties that are full of vigour and strength and while you are in your early twenties, you stand strong or rather build up a wall while in those phases where you have thoughts of giving up on life, picking up a hobby that is likely to become your better self and occupy most of your time, may be develop vague ideas in your head to have your own business startup with absolutely no clue on how to proceed with the mere intention of owning one, try working out to look your best since it's the age of attraction and the law of attraction speaks for all then and a thousand teeny weeny struggling ideas creep up your brain, residing there baseless of their existence while you scratch your head in amusement at the ridiculously impossible yarn you have spun yourself into.

There's nothing like impossible. It's called "I 'm possible". Aargh! Your brain stops working when you wake up in the morning. Perhaps it's already lunchtime and you have your brunch, just after you've brushed and then wonder at the hours at which you will pick up the courage to walk through that door to freshen up after a bath. It's vacation time, who cares? Well, everyone does. Mind it. You may not actually comprehend the complexity of the situation but the energy drain makes you so reckless that you actually need that shower, no matter how much you resist. Had you slept in time, woken up early, you would have made much more of your day. You get stressed out when you get dictated on changing or rather regulating your sleep cycle. You know it's going to be the same once you get back to college, so you stop bothering about it. You hate to act in the manner you shrieked last night but it all seems to frustrating to you that you end up quarelling with a friend for no reason while the other one is ready to comfort you and you cry your heart out.

You think you have gone crazy and created a pensive mood. Your parents fear that they might lose you and grow hopeless and depressed thinking about your future. You think about all that stuff you can do and still don't feel like it. Everybody thinks and nobody reacts for the fear of being misunderstood and so you keep to yourself, lay down, stretching that sheet over you, shutting yourself out for time alone and finally go off to sleep with a dream of waking up in time, with not a complaint to hear about you, a happy day with you, utilising your time and energy, and, at the end of the day, making your parents happy because that is what matters.

The movie thought 1: Responsibilities reversed

It has just been a day after I had a start to my summer break this year. Life at college can be quite unpredictable but all of this seems acceptable to me but the uncertainty of events when I reach back home is quite uncanny. It is not that I fail to understand the ambiguity of thought processes of someone of my age, but I certainly am amazed at the viewpoints, we young individuals can come up with, even though the system has been designed to be viewed in a particular direction. It may turn out to actually portray the kaleidoscopic vision of the youth.

Well, I am not interested in giving you a movie review on something I watched recently with my family but I would never miss this opportunity to set forth my viewpoint about that very thing that made me place on my thinking cap, even if I am in my complete vacation mode. So, as I mentioned, the very second day of my arrival from college, I made a plan for a movie night with Mumma and Papa. It all seemed exciting, since I don't get to spend quality time with family, having had come home after four months. 'Piku', a delightful, light hearted movie, that set the audience in the hall, laughing away merrily to the apt script; Kudos to the writers of the script and the cast and crew for a great performance on their part.

However annoying some parents may seem, but they are our parents after all and believe it or not, we, being their kids, are even more stubborn and annoying and that is how we can actually connect with them and cope up with their tantrums when it's time for us to take care of them. That was the message, I actually managed to grab from the movie. We may scream, shout, shriek, argue and our behavior towards people may be harsh and unacceptable but our parents have a full proof way of setting things right. We may find them irritating, we may beg them to leave us alone, but in the end, they are the wise heads we seek advice from, be it any subject.

Time flies and it's really great to see brighter smiles on our parent's faces. They taught us to live life with our head held high and to live for ourselves, but how can we forget them, during the time when they need us the most. We generally lead lives based on what they decide for us, but it is mainly what they find is good enough for things to work out easily for us. I remember telling my mother today, "Mumma! The moment I return to college, I am going to have so much fun this year. I don't want to regret any part of my life, just because I was too afraid to do things my way for once." I can actually imagine her to give me a stern look at this statement, had I thought before I had uttered these words, but she was rather glad to have my approach change fearlessly, over the years I spent away from her at college. So, here's a thought. If she can believe in my adventurous self and let me explore myself and chase my dreams, shouldn't I let her free of my responsibilities and let her live for herself.

I have seen my parents work hard for me to get me all the best possible things in life. I want to make life easier for them. I know, it's easier said than done but I will put in all my efforts to set up those strings of smiles for them, when they reach those milestones, where they want a break, a break from following the societal norms and a break from abiding by those ground rules of being responsible adults. I would be the happiest person to see them feel alive again, from being my parents, I am dependent on, to my cheerful babies, dependent on me, free from those burdensome duties, we ought to perform, without a choice.

The ambiguity of our thoughts...

     I actually fail to understand the way our society works. I remember my mother telling me to express myself at all times and not just when the others demand it. After all, who are they to question us? Who are they to warn us? We are what we chose to be. We are brought up in different backdrops and we believe in our respective individualities. It's something to be proud of, a fact to cherish, but somehow, I feel this is where our society ceases to believe. There are certainly standards which need to be kept in mind, further differentiating the people in unreasonable sections to which they are forced to adhere to, so that they can live their life freely. What's the point if they are already bound to societal norms to live? Where does the freedom standardise itself? I pity the fact that even the word "freedom" cannot stand for itself, so who are we to publicise the openness of our society with such deceitful terms? It just gets better and even more complicated when it comes to such ambiguity, I have to succumb to. The poor thing is that it's not a matter of choice, and I, as an individual, can state that confidently.
     I know the above part is written in a respect that forces us to think in a certain direction, we generally avoid to turn our heads towards. I have seen my friends cringe over petty issues, and envy those who smile away their miseries, in a manner, that suggest their power of overcoming their emotions. They think it is a great way to hide one's emotions because they fear to be laughed upon by the society if they speak their mind. That is where the default operation comes into play. For a fact, I am bound to the society, we are a keen part of, but writing my thoughts so that they may reach the masses, is what satisfies me. I may not reach out to the majority of the jury, willing to coin their comments , regarding any event they come across, but I believe to reach the hearts who care to bother and voice what they feel. Recently, I watched a movie with a quote that stayed with me for long, stating "Pain demands to be felt". Well, it might have touched millions of hearts with a true speculation but I feel that "If what is felt, makes its way to the ones causing that pain, that is where our freedom lies." It is important for people to realise that they hold equal importance in this world, no matter, how long it takes for them to figure out their place.
     They say they have it and you don't. Have you ever wondered what you have that they don't? I hold confidence in the fact that during our blossoming years, we all have our eyes on things, we believe are difficult to capture and kept. Similarly, there are eyes on a lookout for us, who they believe they will never be able to enclose in the web spun by their ambiguous thoughts, entangling them amidst the chaos created by the society, with masses who have faith that they are the masters of time, shutting off their greased minds to the incredible ideologies, we individuals firmly state today with proofs and logic at hand. The time is now and I state here ,the ambiguity of my thoughts, with a  definite point to prove.

The gift of time...

     The moment when one enters college, there's great chaos as to how to manage your schedule. You might be running short of time when the Xerox machines give away and you urgently need a copy of the notes,the nerds of the class managed to scribble down during those boring lectures you bunked or fell asleep, or you might as well have time in hand, when you failed to understand what to do next in the midst of a huge unexplored campus you are living in or which place to go for the right getaway. Life seems a bit too complicated as far as one's management skills are taken into account because it is indeed a a skill to be honed with passing time.
     Fortunately, you will come across people who will actually make you realise that the more you think of how to spend your time, the more you lose on the best parts of life, which could have rather been spent in exploring the true extent of your adventurous self. However, this does not mean that one does not need to have a planned day in hand because then the true essence of living a disciplined life would be lost. All this might seem contradictory in itself but having had led a disciplined life doesn't make you lose on the fun part of life. There certainly are some norms to be followed in our society we are reluctant to be a part of but with time we accept the facts and unknowingly become the better parts of this system. Then, to top it all, there is politics. Growing up within the spheres of this democratic system, we might end up hating this system when we get our facts clear on how people sort out things and set fixes and take meaures for control and quality checks but at a later stage, starting from the University Unions, we become what we despise the most. We learn how to cope up with petty issues we were afraid earlier to even indulge in. Our companionship becomes the better of us because as we grow, we realise that the surrounding we need is mainly what we want our lives to make us and not what the society wants to drench into, i.e. a drain which might be deep enough for us not to be able to even stretch out a hand for help. Hence, we choose a life rather free from filth and even while we walk on the safer side, where we happen to see the greener side of the grass, we turn the tables for ourselves in a manner to assure that the grass is equally green on both the sides.
     Somewhere or the other, where we had kept checks on how to keep the child in us alive and the spirits high in whatever endeavor we take up, we fail to energise our hearts with the love we had awaited for long and when we do chance upon such people, either the time is not right or their lives are too full to the brim with the addictive lot of properties, we fall prey to, in the future, because of our heart broken to the promises of time by the best of companions we made or are made to fall into snares of delusion by those who mask themselves as well wishers along our stressful journey but in reality are the demons in disguise. That is the moment in life, when even I realised to arm myself with an army of people who can talk sense but at the same time, only let a handful come close enough to me to help me make those changes and accept those challenges I have looked forward to for a brighter side.

A new chase with Mentors

     Finally, a year passed by, and I reach the most awaited year of my stay at University. The reason I say this, is because it's a year of cherishing your achievements over the year gone by, learn about relations, rational behavior towards one and all, relishing a feast with those who stood by you through hard times and learn something over this time about overcoming hardships in your life with a face that covers all emotions. It is better to rather be extremely manipulative at times, when the world wants you to be easily available for their services even if, you yourself, haven't yet figured out the easy way to untangle the bundle of nerves you yourself are.

     However, fortunate in oneself, we manage to catch hold of a few happy companions on our journey to conquer the world. That is when I realized that life has its fair play after all. It's just a matter of time and fate and with the right people around, one can be sure of a safe tour to heaven followed by applause and cheers for achieving that height. However wise you might be, a hand to guide you through the three years ahead of you and most probably, even after that, will always be accepted willingly by you. The pain, gone through by those who are way experienced than you, can be avoided by the help rendered from the former. Even if it accounts for the balance between the unlimited fun they had and the efforts put in during sleepless nights for confirmation of a stable future, the senior wizards prove to be a professional at everything they advise the wizards in the making to do.

     A quick glance on what to do next, where to go, which road to take for a quicker approach, are all among the few confusions even I come across and rather than a counselor, one needs a warm friendly tone to cater to your problems in a way you are accustomed to and to whom you can freely consult in any sphere. During my stay, I was lucky enough to get acquainted with the wiser souls who helped me out resolve the mysteries and experience new things on my way to solving these puzzles of my career as well as analyzing the person I am, the prospective I have for my future and what the society demands of me for a healthier and more fruitful life. Masters in their respective fields, it was an enthralling experience for me to get in touch over the past year and learn quite a lot from my seniors at University and it is indeed a new chase for me, for reaching my goals, with the successful mantras I am being fed with, every now and then, by them who can proudly acclaim my win as theirs as for their role play as Mentors.

*First Impression is the *Last Impression

     I used to get amused by this phrase whenever I used to come across it , with my peers and my teachers pointing to me that indeed "First impression is the last impression" while I partially agreed with this fact, nodding my head in agreement to what my Gurus had to say. I remember that during my childhood days, the girl I used to be, the one with her spectacles and braces on, beaming with confidence and trying to keep in pace with the competitive lot of her class, the teachers always took me to be the good girl in the class. Although, much to my amazement, even my Professors in college somehow carry the same idea about me. Moreover the present scenario takes me sans my braces and my spectacles occasionally switched over by my pair of contact lenses.Well, people couldn't end up with this last impression of mine back in those school days.

     However the main reason behind my disagreement to that particular phrase was the gradual changes in mindset that come about while you get to know someone with time.Now this can easily be a part of the group discussion for entry to the top B-schools because the face of it I am talking about doesn't much take into account the first impression only. It can have many angles to view from. It is really a debatable issue because even if a person applies for a job today, a single meeting with that person is supposed to decide whether he is fit for the job or not. It is true that we have become accustomed to this typical selection criteria but to overcome this pain of preparing a mask for yourself  that fits the needs of the employer perfectly as the Jigsaw part can be really troublesome. I remember my teacher stating an example of a woman in sales dressed up in designer outfit while the other dressed up in casual clothing trying to persuade the customer in a similar tone to buy an outfit from their boutique. The customer is more likely to get easily persuaded by the one in designer outfit. This has nothing to do with the visual appeal alone but to the overall first mark impressed upon the customer. Now this is the reason why Indian arranged marriages follow the tradition of matchmaking just by a single meeting with the to be bride and her family while the families leave no trace of filth anywhere so as to get accepted by the groom's family within no time.

     However applicable this phrase might seem in the personal or professional front, a single look at the prescribed medicine by a doctor with a final labelling done upto standard mark by the pharmacist who prepared it is enough for the patient to decide whether the decision to visit the doctor particularly was good or not. This might seem somewhere out of the blue but I just tried to keep it in close proximity with what I am being taught at my University. Nevertheless what one may mask for the other to comprehend is totally the person's will but how the society may accept him just by his mere first impact holds the same stereotype truth where reasons fail to validate themselves.

The emotional turmoil...

     Away from college, I didn't ever realise how much perplexity in emotions it may lead to. It is like staying at home yet staying away from a place where you had made so many friends and acquaintances over the year you had spent there. You had thought that this would be the best  time one could have spent, the time when one  gets back to family and old friends after a long span of months. It is indeed hurtful to find that your parents can actually catch the boredom in your eyes when you move about lazily in your own house, wondering about things that have happened in the past, and whenever you sit beside them you blabber about the events you experienced in the one year you spent at University. They are glad to see that you have become matured enough to handle various circumstances having got to make new friends, having gone through the pain of broken friendships and even having known how the society has its own ways of dealing with situations.

    

     However, whenever you chat with friends over the net, the same pangs of the cusp of adolescence and adulthood come to front when they ask you the questions whether you have been missing their company or those boring lectures you were happy to be relieved from in case the Professor was absent. For me, I sit at my computer for hours, not realising the fact that there are people I need to attend upon, people who have waited long enough for my arrival back home, the ones who have longed for my presence so that they could share their thoughts, those small family issues and those tiny cropped up feelings with me. I didn't realise that sitting for hours on the net, listening to music or watching television could be bothersome for them unless I was scolded for it a couple of times. "It is kind of funny how life can change", I remember those lines from 'The Blues' but then seems that somehow I can't help it. There is this emotional turmoil in the mind where there is a phase which asks you to be available to your family back there but then whenever the phase of having entered the college becomes dominant, one is reminded of the variety of emotions developed which at times you are reluctant to share with anyone. You want to connect with your school friends but then at the same time you can't refrain from staying connected with your newly made connections at University level. There is a feeling of getting back to school to see your teachers who have nurtured you well enough to reach your present position but then the Professors you have been regularly updating your parents about can't keep you from thinking about your batchmates and those lectures at college.

     Moreover you have the urge as well as responsibility to find suitable internships and courses you can opt for in future or perhaps to enhance your present skills. At the same time there are friends who are always there for your assistance and long for your company at the time you're there in town and a queue of aspiring juniours who are likely to look up to you for guidance. So, as for this time period, it is the delicate balance one has to maintain between both family and college life, coping with your mood swings in a way such that they prove to be subtle in both cases as far as your young and rough interaction with batchmates is concerned and your soft exchange of words with family is taken into consideration.